I have been a consultant vascular and general surgeon for ten years and am always busy. I have been tired but I have never been so exhausted as now, finishing a long theatre list on a dark October night.
I walk back to the car and feel unbalanced, especially in my trade mark high heels. Maybe I have just got to the age when I need to wear flats. My trainee comments that I am walking like I am drunk. Alarm bells start to ring.
I pop into the neurology clinic the next morning and explain my worst fears: ‘I think I have a brain tumour’. It is probably just vestibulitis after an awful cold, but it is not getting better. Instead, my symptoms are worse. I have headaches and I report that my right eye feels dry.
The neurologist reassures me but arranges a scan. She phones MRI and they can fit me in straight away. I have my scan and realise, because they need a second scan with contrast, that they have found something in my head. I am a professional but in those few minutes become a worried patient. I think the worst: what type of brain tumour, how large and where is it?
I find the neurologist waiting for me to explain the scan findings. They have found something. I have a 3cm mass in my cerebellum which is compressing my brain, causing the dizziness. It is not malignant but couldn’t have been sited in a worse place. I cry. The neurologist explains that I will need to see a neurosurgeon and their team. I have an acoustic neuroma.
Within two days, I am referred locally and told I need surgery; there is no other choice. I will need three months away from work. Then it gets worse. I will lose my hearing, there is a 20% risk of damage to the nerve supplying the movement of my face, a risk of damage to the sensation of my face, and to my ability to balance. I will feel sick after the surgery and, of course, there is the pain.
I listen and make my decision: I am not having surgery, there must be other ways. Perhaps radiotherapy or just wait for it to settle. I become an expert on acoustic neuromas overnight. I read all the literature. The patient leaflet explains that if I do have surgery ‘it will attempt to preserve my quality of life’. Great.
I seek a second opinion and am reassured by the surgeon. I finally understand what I teach. To have compassion and to gain your patient’s absolute trust. In his explanations of the surgery, his words are comforting as he has pre-planned management of any complications that might be expected. I explain my own fears; I would struggle with a facial nerve palsy. He listens patiently and discusses all options with me. I take all the advice and it slowly dawns on me, I really do have no choice but surgery.
I start thinking about the cost of care and how fortunate I am in the NHS. I start calculating the cost in America and it mounts up to hundreds of thousands of pounds. I cannot imagine having to make sure that I can pay before taking advice, or letting the cost of care drive my decision making. I have my efficient and thorough pre-assessment and get a date for surgery in February.
In my rapid journey from being a professional to a patient, I have had so many worries. I have however been lucky about one thing. I am in the NHS
Thanks for this very candid account, Stella. Never easy to go from being an in control professional to a patient trusting in the experts around you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very much hope that you make a speedy and complete recovery! NHS absolutely needs someone like you and cannot afford without you for longer than necessary!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Our daughter was diagnosed with this at the age of 26 and had surgery at Addenbrookes Hospital. We are so lucky to have our NHS. She has made a full recovery and we cannot thank the surgeons enough. I hope all goes well for you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dear Anne, Thank you so much for this message, I am sure that as a mother this was a painful episode and I am glad she is now well.
LikeLike
Dear Stella , I was distressed to learn about your medical condition from your blog . Noticed the number of your well wishers and am sure their prayers will not go waste. Your successful surgery and and a speedy recovery will alays be in.my prayers. Wish you get back in your heels sooner . As I see , your Medical colleagues are keen to get you back quickly. Remain strong.
LikeLike
Wish you a very speedy recovery
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry to hear you are unwell.I wish you quick and speedy recovery
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wish you quick and speedy recovery
LikeLike
So sorry to read this.
Wishing you a super fast recovery and absolutely no side effects of the surgery.
We need you.
I used to love watching vascular surgery as a medical student. It takes dedication and great skill.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You have always been a positive supportive role modal, many future consultants will bless the NHS thanks to your kind attentive guidance and teaching .
Keep being strong
Franklin
LikeLiked by 1 person
Get well soon! Wishing you a full and speedy recovery. You have always been a role model and inspiration to your trainees, stay strong!
LikeLiked by 2 people
You are an amazing person Stella Vig! Wishing you lots of love and luck Anne and Gerry
LikeLiked by 1 person
Truly sorry to read this. Wishing you courage, good outcome and speedy recovery. And thank you for posts I found inspirational. Viva NHS.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wishing you well and a speedy recovery.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your story has touched my heart for you and the NHS. Coming from America I truly appreciate the NHS as a patient and an employee. I will be thinking about you during this difficult time hoping you will endure knowing so many people care.
Take care
Rhonda
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for these kind words. We are lucky to have the NHS
LikeLike
So sorry to hear of your condition I wish you all the best with your surgery god bless the NHS for all it does. Huge Hugs to you. J xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Stella,
So sorry to hear you’re unwell. Wishing you a full and complete recovery.
Maria
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wishing you a smooth and quick recovery!
Ross.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope you make a speedy recovery and return to the profession that needs your skills so much.
God Bless x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Miss Vig
You continue to inspire to so many of us who have passed through our surgical training with your mentorship. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Stay strong and jeep wearing those heels
#dresslikeawoman
LikeLiked by 1 person
Stella,
May the force be with you. Coming from someone at the top of her profession your journey will be if interest to many though painful at times to you and your family and friends.
What is absolutely remarkable is that even in this potentially serious state you can still think of the NHS.
Here’s a tofa for good luck 🌷
JS
LikeLike
Dear Stella, I had the misfortune to be diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2015, but the very good fortune to have your husband as my breast surgeon. I am thinking of you all and am wishing you the very, very best. I found writing about my experience to be both a comfort and a release; I hope it’s the same for you.
LikeLike
I will follow your blog. Would you post your link in here so others can benefit? Thank you for your kind wishes. S
LikeLiked by 1 person
Here it is: https://iamtheoneineight.wordpress.com/. Best wishes.
LikeLike
Hi Stella, thinking of you, I have just heard from my friend Isam about this. hope all goes well. My very best wishes Neil
LikeLiked by 1 person
You & your remarkable team saved the life of my mum a few years ago and she still talks now of your kindness, we all feel truly blessed that you were on duty the day we ended up in A & E. Wishing you a complete & speedy recovery Ms Vig xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much Justine, this is very kind of you.
LikeLike
Good luck with your surgery! Is that your scan in the header? I hope you have a good team of skull base surgeons. I recommend Manchester, Cambridge, Queen Square.
LikeLike
Stella,
Thank you for your blog and the time you have dedicated to DAPS over the years.
You are a role model as a doctor, surgeon and trainer and patient.
Wishing you a very speedy recovery.
Will
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Miss Vig,
So sad to hear the bad news, I wish you well and get better soon! You are an amazing woman, doctor and mentor. You are a fighter and even though life is not as you imagined at this moment, I am convinced you’ll battle everything through!
Have strenght, the world needs you here!
LikeLike
Thank you Andreea!
LikeLike
Dear Stella
I am sorry to hear the news.
I wish you successful surgery and I will think of you in my prayers.
Your articles are very interesting. I have always been proud of our NHS and yet lately I feel some resentment that it is abused by UK residents because of the very fact that it is free. Nevertheless serious illness is a reminder of how valuable it is. In many countries one would not be able to afford the necessary surgery and families suffer poverty because of medical costs. As you say we are lucky to have the NHS.
Be strong. Have courage and continue writing.
I wish you good luck and strength to your family.
Best Wishes
Krishan
(one of your local GPs)
LikeLike
Thank you Krishan
Will be back!
S
LikeLike
Wishing you a full recovery and best wishes from Nairobi, Kenya. I lived and worked in the UK for 6 years and while there, I used to tell my British friends and colleagues that they have no idea how lucky they are to have the NHS. Once you live in a country without a health system for all, you will never complain about the NHS. You will love it and pray it lasts forever. All the best daktari.
LikeLike
Thank you so much
LikeLike
I hope everything goes ok for you Stella. You are a strong person and can get through this. Take care. X
LikeLike
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you are looked after by a surgeon as skilled, kind and empathic as your husband. He has looked after me for 16 years. I am hoping for the best possible outcome for your surgery, with none of the adverse outcomes that you fear. Good luck.
LikeLike
Dear Stella, we have today learnt from Nirmal about your operation. We pray that all goes well.
LikeLike
These messages just show the far reaching effect you have had on us all Stel. Go forward today knowing how much we all love you and are relying on your strength. It seems unfair that one of the doctors who best understands the patient’s perspective has to experience it first hand. There but for the grace of god go the rest. I hope your blog helps those who could do with a little taste of what it’s like to develop the compassion and understanding you have always had. Be string my friend, you will getbthrpugh this too. All my love Hx
LikeLike
It’s how you react to a situation, that’s what matters. You’ve handled this well and you’ll continue to do so. You’ve got this far already and a consultant surgeon, nothing will stop you.
Positive thoughts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much!
LikeLike
Your blog was highlighted in the latest RCSEng e-newsletter. It is always eye-opening to read the insights of a patient, but quite sobering to read the candid account of fellow surgeon’s personal health experience. Hope you are making progress, Stella. All the best from down under.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Typo… missed ‘a’ before ‘fellow’.
LikeLike
Thank you so much. Hope all is well with you, Stel
LikeLike
My 33 daughter has to have vestibular schwannoma surgery in the near future, I am worried, I read so much on the net, and I know thats not necessarily a good thing to do, But I looked at your page though it has not removed all of my concerns I do realise in my daughters case this operation is a must do, and without significant delay, thank you for putting into words your thoughts and experience. I hope you recover completely and as soon as possible. I love my little one, Sarah is my baby even though she is 33, any advice you can give me would be appreciated, thank you.
How as a father can support her and aid her recovery apart from the obvious.
Once again thank you for your insights xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope all is well and let me know if I can help in anyway
LikeLike
How is your recovery? Did you get the facial pallsy? I was recently diagnosed with a 2+ cm acoustic neuroma and am nervous about having surgery. I’ve been getting more symptoms, and the neuro ent said I should have surgery soon before it starts pressing on my brainstem.
LikeLike
Hiya Angela
It is a very scary time and you are bound to be anxious. I remember it very well. I was lucky not to get a facial palsy but I did discuss this in great detail with my Surgeon. Where are you having it done and by whom? I am almost back to normal and am a year down the line. Happy to catch up with you properly by phone or in person if you are local. Yours Stella
LikeLike
just seen you outside Prads room and you look very well thank goodness
Its terrible thing to say but I feel th more doctors who end up as patients
the more understanding you get of the total fear patients have . As you know canukas
and lines put my BP into orbit. My right leg blood flow is reduced and I dread the thought of
havng to have a stent fitted
Sadly for you yur experience will help you understand the the absolute fear that makes
patients fear hospitals. With the onset of kidney disease the thought of dialysis fills
me with suicidal thoughts
LikeLike